I hesitate to write today, but I think it might be liberating to say some of the things that have been trapped in my head. April 1st I learned of my sister's death. The news came as a shock. I will admit that my relationship with my sister was sometimes difficult. I was sometimes jealous of women who had sisters who were their best friends. But now that she is actually gone, I realize how sad I am. I have a lot of guilt and I feel in many ways that I let her down. That train of thought doesn't help anyone today. Not her, not me. But it's very difficult to let it go. All I can do is be thankful that in the last year or so we did spend some good time together. We enjoyed each other more than we had in a very long time. And she had begun to build a relationship with my children. I'm thankful for that. I have many questions and no answers. All I do know is that life is fragile and we really truly cannot afford to waste time or hold a grudge or be unkind. I tell myself all the time that I will never regret doing a kind thing, but I may always regret missing an opportunity or doing something hurtful. And a day like today reminds me that I am sometimes pretty smart :) because I do regret all the missed chances I had. And regret is not only uncomfortable, but it can be unbelievably painful.